Healing our Children's Hearts

     My almost three year old, Isaac, has had a cloud over his head for over a week.  My usually cheerful, sunshine boy had been replaced by an Eyoresque figure with Oscar the Grouch mixed in abundantly. I would hear him wake up in the morning with his older brother, by 15 months, with delighted giggles, whispers, and squeals of delight. The moment he encountered me he turned into a mud puddle of woe and suffering.

     Isaac is unabashedly smitten with his 3 month old sister, Isabelle Grace, and yet I have told myself that even so, this curmudgeony toddler must be having trouble adjusting.  I have been intentional in trying to hold him more, sing to him more, say yes when he brings me a book to read, tell him I love him and that he is dear to me but even with this added effort on my part it still feels like I am living with an ill humored wookiee. 

    His complaining, whining, and crying is unrelenting.  Despite trying to love him back into joy Isaac does not seem able to change his mood until I complete the following steps.  I finally tell him he cannot continue to act like "this", I take him to his room, swat him on the butt, wait two minutes, and return to his room to offer comfort and condolence at which time he falls into my arms ready to "be happy".  It is not ideal.  I have not fully understood why it takes this punishment to regain my joyful son.  I grasped at the straw of an idea that he was acting out and only stopping when he received this negative attention.  I was giving him a lot of positive attention so why wasn't he accepting that?  I stumbled upon my answer this afternoon with the absolute help from the Holy Spirit.  Isaac, my sunshine son, had a wounded heart that was crying out, in the only way he knew, for help and healing.

    Once more I slowly walked to my little son's room ready to administer the swat and then follow up with hugs. I hated this. This didn't seem rooted in Truth and how Jesus would do things. "Come on, Lord..." I absentmindedly prayed.  "There has got to be a better way but I don't know what it is."  I have tried just skipping straight to the hugging compassionate part but Isaac just rejected it every time.  I took a breath and walked in.  I knelt down in front of him.  "Isaac, can you look at me?"  He would not raise his downcast eyes. "Why!?" I mentally anguished.  "Where is my happy boy?"  I feel at that moment the Holy Spirit just breathed into the room.  My hands on his slight shoulders I said with feeling "Isaac, I LOVE YOU."  He gave no response but whining and squirming to get away.  "I. LOVE. YOU.  Isaac.  I love you."  He was a little more still.  "I LOVE you. Can you look at me?  Look into my eyes, Isaac." He barely raised his eyes to meet mine, just briefly.  "Isaac, you must be so sad that I don't hold you as much I used to."  In an instant he had slid off his bed and buried his face in my neck, arms wrapped around me. I squeezed him tightly and began rocking him.  I heard my eldest, Eli, call out to me from another room. "Mama!".  I responded instead to Isaac. "I am SO sorry, Isaac! We used to hold each other all the time before we had Isabelle and you love her SO MUCH but I bet sometimes you are sad I can't hold you as much as you want."  "Mama!!" came from the other room again.  Mentally I wondered if the bacon I had put in the pan right before coming into Isaac's room was alright. I hadn't intended to be spending so much time in here when I initially walked in.  "And do you remember" I continued "how we used to sit on the couch all the time and read lots and lots of books?"  Damp nodding into my neck.  "That was so nice and we don't read together as much as we used to.  I am so sorry.  Someday we will start reading together more again.  This isn't forever.  I love you so much."   "Uhhh, MaaaaMA!!!"  Although Eli was being insistent he wasn't coming to find me and he wasn't screaming.  "I don't want your heart to be hurting you.  I want it to come together and be full and happy."  I recalled how Isaac insisted on us calling him a "big boy" now.  "And you know, Isaac, it is okay if you still want to be the baby sometimes."  Usually he would insist that he was NOT a baby.  Now he was silent. "Sometimes you go outside with Daddy and Eli and you are a BIG boy but sometimes it is okay if you just want to be a little boy and have me hold you and kiss you.  You can still be a baby sometimes."  Sniffling sounded in my ear and a grimy little hand reached up to hold my cheek. "May I kiss you, Isaac?"  "Maaaaaaamaaaaaa?" came from the living room.  Nodding from the son in front of me.  He laid a sloppy wet kiss on my lips.  "Isaac, would you like to come with me to check the bacon on the stove?"  I finally heard his little voice for the first time. "Uh huh, mama.  I happy now".

    Smoke was pouring into my kitchen and the bacon was black and ashy.  Isaac has returned to his happy go lucky self.  I learned an important truth about healing the day I burnt the bacon which I hope to incorporate into the parenting of all my children.  I am going to try and explain it here in the hopes that it might help other parents.

     Isaac needed me to speak the words of his pain out loud in order for HIM to recognize what was causing him pain.  It wasn't enough that I realized he probably was acting grumpy due to less attention than he previously received.  It didn't matter that I was making a concerted effort to hold him more and love on him more.  He did not know why he was grumpy and in pain and he needed it to be named for him. He was not able to receive the extra attention and love in a way that healed his heart because he did not know that he was being given it in response to his pain.  In exasperation both my husband and I would ask him "What can we do for you? What do you want?" only to be met by meltdowns, defiance, and contradictory behaviors.  He didn't know.  As soon as I spoke those words of truth "You must be sad because I am not holding you as much" and named my son's pain his heart recognized it as true and responded accordingly.  I was able to help Isaac's emotional wounds heal because I named it for him, asked for his forgiveness, and breathed new life into him again.  As adults we hopefully have the acquired skill of looking for the source of our anxieties, pain, and heartache. Our children need our help to learn this skill.  Speaking TRUTH into our children's lives is so important.  Do not be afraid to speak a "negative" truth for especially in naming sins, struggles, fears, and lies we unleash the Light of Truth!  Speak the truth and if it is the truth of an evil presence or struggle then be sure to claim it for Christ and breath new life into that area.

"For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light." Mark 5:22
 "You will know the truth, and the TRUTH will set you free." John 8:11

Mandu-pi (dumpling wrappers)

    Mandu-pi (prononced "pee") is the "wrap" used to enclose a meat mixture when making Koren dumpling.  It is actually considered a "noodle".  I was very hesitent to make the mandu myself, you can buy prepackaged mandu at Asian grocery stores.  However, since I was very keen to make the dumplings and I am not going to be going to the Asian store for awhile I decided to plow ahead!  I have never had much luck in making things from dough.  I get impatient, frustrated, and generally whatever I am trying to make with dough falls apart or doesn't bake properly.  I feel that bread baking and dough making is an art, one that I have not accomplished and don't feel inspired to practice enough to master.  The recipe seemed simple enough however, Maangchi's video seemed straight forward, and I really really wanted to eat dumplings!  2 cups flour, 2/3 cups water, 1/2 tsp salt...I can do this. Right?  I followed the recipe...it seemed to be going well.  Everything looked like Maangchi's pictures...I kneaded, kneaded, kneaded...I rolled out the little pieces of dough...ugh.  Yes, an art.  An art that takes practice and or natural gift, and I don't have the gift!  Behold my mandu vs. Maangchi's...her's is the picture on top.  I just cannot get it round!!  See my completed mandu-pi below.  I will let you know how making the dumplings go!  If you want to try see her recipe here.

Yachaejeon

  Korean pancakes are a great little meal to have in your aresenal for the days when you can't figure out what to make for dinner!  I have used them a couple times on nights when I didn't plan well in advance - Rice, Kimchi, and a Jeon!  I already knew that we loved the Kimchijeon so this time I tried my hand at a vegetable pancake with the addition of seafood.  I actually had over heard some guys talking about putting seafood in their pancakes when I went to the Korean store back in December so I grabbed a bag of mixed frozen seafood at the time.  I didn't know what exactly I was doing with it but I knew I would figure something out!

 A few notes:
     A) Interestingly to me while the Kimchijeon called for grape seed oil (which I accordingly purchased) for some reason the Yachaejeon called for vegetable oil.  I haven't cooked enough with grape seed oil to be able to tell you if it had a distinctive flavor, but I wonder what the difference is and why both jeon's are not cooked with the same oil.  Anyway, the first time I make anything I usually try to stick exactly to the recipe so I have a baseline to work off of when I make it again.  Typically I start changing it up to suit the Warrior's and my preferences.
     B) The recipe called for zucchini which I was lucky enough to have on hand from making a different Korean dish (which I can't remember at all right now).  That is one thing I have really enjoyed about this whole endeavor.  How many vegetables we have been eating, and that none of them have gone bad in the fridge!
     C) These Korean pancakes are always flipped in the skillet with a good twist of the wrist, I am happy to report that so far I have accomplished this feat without it falling on the floor!  When that day happens, rest assured, I will take a picture of it for you!
     D) I was starving and grumpy when I made these...sooooo...sorry about there only being one picture. hehe....here is a funny picture of Eli just for kicks!

Final word:  These were another tasty addition!  The seafood actually reminded me of the festive dinners my family would have for Christmas Eve every year in keeping with the Italian tradition of the "Feast of the Seven Fishes".  Although I don't always have seafood in the freezer or fresh I am really happy to just have another idea of what I can do with seafood, that I can put it in a savory pancake, with minimal work, and have a delicious little dinner!  Check out the link for full directions here.

Jumukbap and Kimchijeon

     Jumukbap are little rice balls with marinated ground beef worked into them.  "Jumuk" means "fist" and "bap" is "rice.  These were traditionally made as an easy lunch to carry into the fields, they are a good "travel" food as you get some protein, grain, and vegetable (seaweed?) all in one compact little fist!  The interesting ingredients in Jumukbap is the seaweed and asian pear.  The asian pear gives a refreshing and very light sweetness to this dish.  My Warrior Ninja ended up just packing up a bunch of these for his lunch the next day.  They were not difficult to make and made for tasty little morsels.  As you can see my little man found them quite intriguing!

   Along with the Jumukbap I made Kimchijeon.  When "jeon" is attached to a korean food it means that you will get something like a pancake.  I already had my traditional Kimchi made up so it was just a simple process of adding a few extra ingredients, mixing up the batter, then frying this baby up!  I have to admit to feeling pretty awesome about myself when I flipped the whole thing over to the other side in the pan just like the instructions called for without any utensils!  Woohoo!  Kimchijeon was AMAZING!  It brought out the intricacies of the various flavors of the Kimchi, downplayed the spiciness, and put it all in a yummy, hold in your hand, goodness!  Both Sang Tae and I were quite impressed with these!  Needless to say we are already getting close to the end of the second batch of Kimchi I made!  Even Eli enjoyed the Kimchijeon!  He did say "spicy? spicy?" quite a few times, but couldn't resist continuing to nibble on it!

Dak-Galbi and Ttukbaegi gyeranjjim

Sharing the meal :)

  

Beautiful earthenware bowl

     Dak-Galbi is a spicy chicken dish with vegetables.  As I am beginning to feel more confident with the Korean style of cooking and the ingredients I am using I ventured off from following this recipe exactly.  It called for 1/4 carrot and 1/4 zuchinni.  As you can tell from the picture I was much more enthusiastic about my vegetables!  Sang Tae emphatically  stated that this was my best Korean dish yet!  Personally I favor the Japchae, but this was delicious!

    Making this dinner was quite a bit more laborious then the others I have done so far for a number of reasons.  The first being I was cooking two new dishes this evening, secondly the Ttukbaigi gyeranjjim was cooked using an earthenware pot.  Using a clay pot was a first for me and I underestimated how long the dish would take to took in it.  Thirdly, while the recipe for Dak-galbi called for boneless thigh and leg meat I had a whole uncooked chicken I had to debone, and finally both recipes called for chicken broth, which I was out of, so after deboning the chicken I also had to make a chicken broth with the carcass.  There was a lot going on just in meal preparation let alone Eli being quite demanding.  I solved that problem by setting him up at the sink to wash dishes for his first time.  He LOVED it!  Kept him quite occupied for the majority of the time.

Mama's helper!

Ttukbaigi Gyernajjim

    Ttukbaigi Gyeranjjim is a simple steamed egg dish with the ingredients of chicken broth, fish sauce, green onions, and eggs.  Ttukbaigi means "small earthen pot" and "Gyeranjjim" is translated to "steamed eggs".  Accordingly this dish is traditionally made in a earthenware pot or bowl.  I just happened to have the perfect thing, which we received as a Christmas gift from my cousin, Rose H. in 2013.  Thanks Rose!!  I didn't really know how to use this pot before seeing this recipe and subsequently learning how to treat it before use.   The dish turns out fluffy seasoned eggs which is served as a side.  I have to admit mine did not turn as well I would have hoped, but the flavor was correct.  I am including a picture anyway because I don't want you to think you have to get everything right the first time!  Just keep trying it out!  You have to be careful when using earthenware that you don't change the heat quickly on them as they are prone to cracking.  I may have erred to much on the side of caution though as it was supposed to cook in ten minutes and mine was still a bit watery after about 50 minutes!

  Overall I was pleased with the result of the meal.  It was served with the every present white rice and my newest batch of Kimchi.  The recipe for Dak-Galbi I got from the book "Discovering Korean Cuisine" and the Gyeranjjim was from Maangchi's website here.

And people wonder why I don't call them back.

I started the day taking pictures of glimpses into our life of routine for Instagram and then continued throughout the day hoping to write my first post on this blog.  Here is what became of it. A picture diary of our day at the Keller home, Under Mary’s Mantle.

It started with me attempting to write a “real” post.

I look forward to reading what my sister Gypsy Queen posts on this blog. She has a way of writing that flows when being read and has a gift of relaying the emotion behind the words that she writes. ....Hang on a sec one of my munchkins is  crying. :/ 

OK back,.. where was I…Oh yes Gypsy Queens writing ability.  This blog was meant to be for my married sisters and I to connect with each other through the in and outs and in-between all the diapers and dreams of life.  The day so far has been going smoothly so I thought why not write my first post for this blog....

Hang on I have an intruder…..

”Who has the flint and steel and who wants it? … tedious tedious tedious 

My sister, Margaret, although has not posted as frequently has herself a great ability in all things crafty and creative.

Wait wait wait, what?... “you want a job to do? Oh, only if you can make money doing it?”..hang on blog readers….

Back at the computer *sigh* ok great, GypsyQueen is a great writing, Margaret is crafty and creative. Moving on...I made Banana bread with Regina (6) and Joshua (4) today.  haha, I typed that without any interruptions!... Aaannd now its lunch time so I’ll  be back. :/ 

My thoughts – “I’m so hunger I’ll just pop this in before I start making sandwiches for the kids…:/ arg why does everyone have to make such a big deal about plastic in the microwave! I can hear every good intentioned do-gooder in my head now. yea I'm talking to you. (half-smile)

Happy?!

Ok the baby just woke up, what to give him so I can finish making lunch? ...

Perfect, its interactive and edible! 

Yes, my 11 year old is cleaning out my cupboards (remember the money job kid?) while I’m trying to feed people and clean up the pots  and pans from our bread making adventure with the munchkins. ;)

thought – “why do I always do this to myself? Give messes to people so I can clean up other messes?.” :/

Might as well take this out to the chickens. I need to get a few min outside.

My silkies are so cute. :)

OK Back to  my long overdue blog post…lets see....Get my head back into it…Wait for ittt.. lol....*sigh*....“Yes Joshua…No I don’t know what we are having for lunch tomorrow we just finished lunch. Why don’t you go in the bathroom and wash your hands?”....Oh shoot I forgot I left the chicken on the counter to make crock-pot chicken tortilla soup!!.......... 

I won’t bother you with a picture of raw chicken but it’s all in the Crackpot now. :)

Joshua: “Are my teeth clean?”……..Thinking “didn’t I ask you to wash your hands and face?” out loud – “yup, looks good, now go play outside for a while”

“ding” - Banana Bread is done, geez it’s just one thing after another around here!

yummy!.

“Yes I’ll bring the baby outside to have a ride in the wagon.”

Pure happiness :) ok the pure happiness only lasted about three minutes but hey it’s a nice picture. (just keeping it real people) ;)

*sigh* I want a nap

Let’s try one more time to get this damn post done.

Yeaaa… He pushed the off buton on the computer…..sooo…..I’m taking a nap

 

12 books in 12 months: "The Miracle of Fr. Kapaun"

   There was a time in my life that admitting to only reading 12 books in one year would've been embarrassing to me. In fact, if I am honest, I realize it still is a bit embarrassing to me. I love to read. Sadly this throughly enjoyable activity all but went by the wayside in 2014. So I'm starting small. 12 books in 12 months. I should be able to handle that!  

    I just finished reading the first book of the year "The Miracle of Father Kapaun: Priest, Soldier, and Korean War Hero".  

    One of my favorite lines in the book is as follows:  "When you save somebody's life, you might save an entire nation, you never know."  LOVE THAT!

    Father Kapaun grew up a farmboy in Kansas.  He was ordained a priest June of 1940 in Wichita at the age of 24.  After four years as a parish priest he joined the US Army chaplain corps. He served in India and Burma from 1945 to 1946. He reenlisted in 1948 and in 1950, a month after North Korea invaded South Korea, he volunteered to go to Korea as a chaplain.  He died as a POW in North Korea May 23, 1951 and he is being considered for canonization as a Saint.

  All who served with Fr. Kapaun were impressed by his courage in assisting the wounded and attending to dying men on the battle field.  Witnesses to his valor stated that no one would run into the fray with such little regard for personal safety and at the same time with such encouraging shouts to those around him as Fr. Kapaun.  As a POW he is attributed as having saved HUNDREDS of lives simply be refusing to stop assisting the wounded during death marches and pleading with the officers and enlisted men to do the same as well as instilling hope and helping others in the prison camp.  He led by example, often choosing to do tasks no one else wanted to, which inspired men to desire his leadership. More than anything, that which impressed me about Fr. Kapaun was that he chose to be a gift of hope to those around him.  He kept himself busy finding ways to encourage, comfort, and speak truth when conditions were deplorable, morale was low, and hope was all but lost.  It was sobering to read of the awful treatment they endured.  Many of the survivors revere Fr. Kapaun as the man responsible for the fact that they survived. In many cases it was because he spoke an encouraging word at just the right time, lent a helping hand, created reasons for them to live. The survivors speak of how easy it would have been to give up the will to live, and of how many had done just that and died.

   It is my sincere hope that I can emulate this man in his willingness to lay down his life protecting others, in his ability to encourage others when he himself was suffering terribly, and to choose the menial tasks as a way of lifting another's burden.  Fr. Kapaun's entire time as a Catholic Priest appears to be an effort to put others needs before his own and to forgive - even those that capture and persecute you. He laid down his life with his final words still trying to encourage and instill hope.  Fr. Kapaun, pray for us!